Someone Put Goat in my Pants!

Lab coat.

That is one of my favorite words. Has been for a long time. I couldn't even really explain to you why, it just is. It's better if said slowly and with emphasis. Lab..Coat.
Or 'goat'. I enjoy hearing the word goat.

Goat in a Lab Coat......that's a Lab Coat wearing Goat if ever I did see!

One of my newest of word favorites is the word 'torso'.....for a menagerie of reasons, one of which is that it sounds as if it could mean something completely different than what it actually does.
"Quick! They're onto us! Let's get on our Torsos and ride!"
Or maybe even a name........"Torso McNoodle never saw the faces of his captors, nor would he taste a peanut butter and jelly sandwich ever again!"
That's the same reason why I enjoy the names of muscle groups so much. They always reminded me of mythological places or names or creatures. "Latissimus Dorsi had slain the dreaded Triceps just south of Pectoralis Major."......or "Gluteus Maximus came down with a bad case of the Biceps and shit himself."

I have been thinking about words a lot lately, mainly because I am finally able to write again with some consistency. Finally having an office/studio again after such a long time without is more rewarding that I can even put into torsos.

This blog has kinda gotten away from me. I think I had intended to do an update on what exactly it was that I am working on currently.......maybe. In any case, that would have to be the book Tonic, or the Meresin's Brew rewrite.
One of my biggest flaws (of which, there are many....but we're talking about just when I work) is how easily sidetracked I can get....this blog being a perfect example of which. This is something that I'm really trying to remedy now. It was easy enough blaming being transient for the past year and a half on my lack of production or desire, and really, it WAS difficult trying to work when I felt spread thin over the entire United States, but I am completely relocated here and more than ready to focus on getting what I've been threatening to do, done.
Of course, this might be as easy as trying to stuff a year-old baby into an empty pickle jar, but I'm willing to give it the best of my abilities....seeing as it (it being: focusing on one project at a time until it is completed before going on to the next) reaps far more rewards than baby stuffing, and most likely less jail-time.

I also like the word 'sponge'.

Diary of the Broken Doll......

Just for the record, I have never wanted to have my face eaten off of my skull slowly by a monkey wearing high-heels......nor have I ever considered it a worthwhile aspiration to desire being sealed within an air-tight room, after drinking a gallon and a half of coffee and/or beer, whose very floor is tiled with chemically engineered biscuits that produce a vapor once in contact with human urine, that is equivalent to an entire days worth of Britney Speer's Alpo Farts.

The above is just a taste of what is to come, that being that I now officially have my own internet after over a year of using Coffee House WiFi when I could.

God help you all.

Almost normal..........relatively speaking......

So, the desktop is finally up and running again, as well as the laptop, and I have finally ordered internet access for my new pad....after relying for over a year on leeching off of other's signals.
Sometime this coming week I should be online for good again......which means that I'll have no more excuses.....other than the one's I make up.......which are the excuses I enjoy telling anyways.

I need coffee...that is all.

Diseased Dogs of Christmas, and other Stories

So, this is how it is....as soon as I finished making my desk, my laptop felt it was time to quit on me. Nice. Seems that it decided it was done having working memory. Ok, no problem, I still had my desktop to set up....just a minor setback.
But I wasn't aware that both my systems were in a suicide pack together. After setting up the desktop, it felt fit to stab itself in the videocard. Sweet! Two dead computers sitting on a beautiful new desk.

I'm writing this from work, of course. Bah!

This is just a quick blog to let you all know why I've been missing in action for a while now, and to wish everyone a late "Merry Christmas" and a special late "Happy Birthday" to Shoobeedoobeedoo.

For the record, I have finally purchased a new video card as of last night, and plan to instal it tonight, along with a complete reinstal of windows and all my apps. If all goes well, I'll be ordering internet for home this week.

I hope al is well with everyone, and Happy New year and all that jazz.

Ignoring the Attention Stone....

Ok, it seems that my ability (or honesty) in making a new work table has come into question by several of you.....specifically, Rachael, who has seen fit to post her own blog about it and about me as well. So, fine. I will document the damn thing's construction here for all you naysayers, and sayers of nay, which are one in the same regardless of what your shirt says.

First came the donated dresser of questionable condition. This dresser was given to me by my friend Kristen who joined the army and therefore would never need clothes again that didn't blend with her surroundings. I decided that it would make a good base to one side of the desk after moving into my new place which has enough closet space to make all donated dressers of questionable conditions obsolete. But, seeing as it's condition was questionable (at best), I took it upon myself to give it a work over that included repairs as well as several coats of enamel.

You might notice the drawers in the background, lining the hallway. At that moment they had been freed from their terrible handles and plugged with a wood putty, left to dry.

Here they are after several coats of enamel as well.....keep in mind, every coat of enamel added took 24 hours to properly dry.....then a light sanding before the next coat could be added. This is to ensure that the carpenter (in this case, me) remains high for several days, considering that this was all done in the small room in which I sleep.

Above is yet another pic of the donated dresser of questionable condition in it's last stage of repair and refinishing. This was after the last coat was added....at this point, I was able to talk to the walls.....and they would answer back.

The finished dresser, without the drawers added yet.

At this stage I was still debating on what to do for the other side of the desk. I was considering propping that side up on shelves and making support legs for it, but I still hadn't made up my mind....I was still high from the enamel fumes.
I did have the good fortune to come across the best possible solution when visiting the GoodWill that just opened on South Broadway. It turned out that a nearby Chase Bank branch decided to aquire all new furniture, and donated all of there old desks and whatnots to the new thrift store. I purchased a desk (that also came with a side table that I'm able to use for a new drawing table top to replace my Mayline that was destroyed) and a credenza. Both were in fair enough condition, that is, I could easily make them look better. Dark cherry stained. The drawback was, I didn't have a truck. So I had to disassemble them in the parking lot with a philips head screwdriver in order to load them into my car, haul them home, and then reassemble them in my new place. Then I passed out.

Above is the new desk somewhat assembled. You can see the Chase Bank desk during it's stage of drawer repair (which I'm happy to say was a success). I left the original desktop off because it was only 20 inches deep, and not big enough for what I needed. I bought two unfinished doors to use as new desktops. After putting them on top I then had to spend an hour or two adjusting both sides (the dresser and the desk) so that they were both level as well as the same hight.

The desk's original table top is seen above as the new top to my shelves. The credenza had, at this point, yet to be reassembled, because I passed out.

Here's the shelves with the new credenza reassembled and used as their base. You can also see here that I finally received my shipment from PA consisting of my books and my antique bedside tables.
And then I passed out.

Next came the tedious task of staining the door-desktops. I chose a cherry stain...and as I am writing this, I have already done four coats. This is just slightly easier than painting the donated dresser, in that this stain only takes six hours to dry in between coats. I wanted to document one of these steps for you here, so before I stumbled into the coffee house to write this I added the fourth coat.

First, we start with some cocaine:

Then I have to sand the now dry layer of stain with a fine sandpaper:

Followed by going over it again with an even finer steel wool:

Then, more cocaine!

Next comes the task of wiping it down with a t-shirt that I will never use again, which makes me think that I should have just bought some rags:

And finally, the fourth coat of stain is added. The stain is actually a cherry stain and clear coat mix, which not only helps with a better protected and glossy finish, but makes the room I'm working in so volatile with poisonous vapors that I usually pass out:

The vomitting usually begins shortly after I come to with my face stuck to the recently stained section of table:

Next, we do more cocaine!

....and then more vomitting, usually:

I realize that I have said that I am near finished with this damn desk many times in the past, and the truth is that with every step shown above, I am THAT much closer to getting it done. But the truth is also that this has been a fairly time consuming task, kept slower by the fact that I have to work everyday, the trip taken to KC around Thanksgiving, and obscene cocaine abuse!
This is where it stands right now: the desktop needs one (maybe two) more coats of the stain...and it's drying a coat right now. The next coat will be added tomorrow morning before I go to work. After the staining is completed, I still plan to give it a few coats of polyurethane, at least two, but more than likely anywhere up to three or four. That will be a slightly longer process due to longer drying times, more vomitting than before (the vapors are far worse)....and I'm out of cocaine.......
I have held off getting an internet connection until this project is done, not only due to the fact that I'm poor and don't want to start paying for the service until this is all said and done, but I honestly have nowhere else to work until the desk is completed...so having the online capability there right now IS a moot point.

And for those of you who have stayed patiently with me during this time (and this blog post in particular), I present you with a little added bonus.....a pic of my brother and his fiance', Corrine: