When Sugar Plums Attack…
I had a dream that toilets were banned for some reason, and everyone was forced to poop in jars from now on. That really has nothing to do with anything, it’s just what I dreamt this xmas morning, and this being my official holiday post, I thought I’d share it with all of you. The jars of poop were kept to be inspected by government people at a later date, but I woke up before I could find out why.
Kind of an odd thing to dream on such a popular holiday, but then, it’s kind of strange to worship a virgin birth of a bunny savior who hides eggs from the Philistines and travels the world on an enchanted deer chariot judging children for a day….I might have that slightly off, but you see where I’m going with this.
This is why I proposing an addition to this season of giving (after buying and buying and so on)…the giving of stool filled jars…complete with a decorative bow of course. What better way to end the evening of drinking with friends after escaping your family, than to drunkenly fill a mason jar with your own waste and then leave it on the doorstep of an unsuspecting stranger?
Ok….so there’s probably a million better ways to end the evening, but you can’t argue that what I propose isn’t more asinine than half of the strange customs we all carry out without question…well, you could argue the fact, but you’d be wrong, and then you’d owe me a turkey dinner and a massage.
In any case, the reason for this short little post was to wish each and every one of you out there a great and safe holiday, however you celebrate it!
But I still say we should add the poop jars to the season…..just sayin’.
-the Paper Lad Despairs 
-the Unwelcomed Witness 
-the Toothpaste Judgment Ballpoints Scratching at the Windows…
I hate not knowing how to start a post…which I’m sure might come as a surprise to most of my dear readers, having been told more than once that my writings read like a stream of consciousness soup that was burning unattended on the stove before setting off the fire alarm of reason and waking Old Man Run-On Sentence Williams from his trance….as you can see, or something to that effect. Actually, I think it was more along the lines of ‘I tend to stray from the topic somewhat often’…so, let’s get to it then.
I promised some catch-up material, after having been away from these pages for near a year or so…or at least my equivalent of catch-up material which is to distract you with one hand, only to escape with the other hand and live out my days a one-handed drifter, always looking over my shoulder in fear of discovery…as an example.
Another example would be to do a quick summary along the lines of : changes in work schedule; doctor visits; small showing of new works; talks of surgery; new things written; and new plans laid…without then elaborating on them.
If there has been anything else I have been as consistent with as I have been about not writing on here over the past several months, it’s doing what has become known as the Crumbly Drawings. Those of you who also follow my other virtual bulletin board, Crumbly Nevertheless, might have noticed the sporadic updates appearing from time to time. At this point, I have a few hundred of these little guys in my possession…all drawn with ballpoint pen on 3x5 sheets of paper.
I have threatened to make these all available to those interested on a few accounts, and I’d like to take this moment to make yet another account. The original drawings have been being treated with an archival spray and acid free adhesive to rag paper, then mounted to board and blessed by a saint and touched by a virgin….as can be seen below (the mounted drawings, not the virgin):
I have been planning to put these up for sale on Etsy when finished, along with prints of many of them as well.
Like almost all of my undertakings, I will not ask any of you to hold your breath, unless you want to, because I am fully aware of my ability to get distracted by shiny things…
………I hate not knowing how to end a post.
