Two Things that should Never Touch the Ground...

Keeping with the penis theme of my last post, here's a cool little fact about Denver for you all:

As I do everyday, I checked today's weather online this morning to see what the day had in store. Why I do this? I have no idea, seeing as the meteorologists for Denver were obviously sent here after failing too many times in Louisville (and that's an impressive feat!), just habit I suppose. In any case, a roll of the dice in the weather-room apparently called for evening thunderstorms, and like any form of gambling, if you play enough you will eventually win one.....unless you are in Vegas. Below is a pic of the conditions right now for my little corner of the globe:

Yep. Not a raging Burma of a storm, but it's there. Do I hear thunder? Why yes I do. So, yeah....technically it's a 'thunderstorm'. Is the ground soaked with rain? Nope. Bone dry! This is the interesting Denver factoid that I was getting to, and it's called 'virga'. Virga is the weather anomaly that happens when the conditions are just right to cause the rain to evaporate before reaching the ground. And it happens here all the time! There was a good stretch of the summer last year that I saw it rolling in from the mountains on a daily basis. Long tentacles of rain stretching down from the clouds, only disappearing near the halfway mark....which, I suspect, is further fuel for my new fascination with the idea of Air Krakens....which I'll get into in another post.

How does this keep in theme with the penis talk from my last post? Well, a simple misspelling of the term, that is, using an 'e' in place of the 'i' in virga turns it into verga....which is a Mexican's cock. Clearly you can see the caution needed when broaching this subject in public....especially in Denver.
"Hey, did you see the great Virga today?" "Que?!"

Letters Trapped Under Glass

I really haven't been totally gone during this last communication hiatus, that is to say, I WAS working towards changing my blogging around a bit. I had been toying with the idea a long while of doing away with my MySpace Blog altogether and HOLY SHIT my neighbor is listening to a recording of dogs being tortured WAY TOO LOUD!!! I have to go knock on a door real quick, be right back.

(this space represents the time spent away from this here blog as well as time spent staring at the monitor in utter amazement of the interaction that just took place with noisy fuck-stick of a neighbor)

Ok, let's try that again.....I had been toying with the idea a long while of doing away with my MySpace Blog altogether and continuing on under one of the many blog sites, bla bla bla. So that's one of the things that I started working towards, having chosen Blogger to host them seeing as I already have a Google account and profile regardless of whether I wanted one or not because they are taking over the world and it's LAW!! And yes, I did say "host THEM", because having more than one changes the pronoun of "it" into the plural adjective.......Rachael. Oh, and because I decided to branch out and work on more than a single blog, seeing as I'm doing such a bang-up job keeping this one updated as-of-late. That's sarcasm....look into my eyes.

For those willing to take a peek at said blogs in progress, here be the links: new manifesto and crumbly nevertheless.

The first, of course, is this one because this post was originally written for my MySpace Profile which is basically the same blog just re-worked and transplanted here...while the second is completely without content. Why you ask? Because at almost the very moment of it's creation, before I was even able to add a description for it, it was locked by Blogger as a potential Spam Site....which is completely understandable, seeing as it has "Do You Want a Bigger Penis" and "Learn to Satisfy Her" written all over it! I received an email from the Blogger Bots with a link to use for the purpose of proving my devotion to the one true God who is Google, who would then unlock my blog and smite my enemies. This, of course, did not work. My new blog remained locked and my enemies flaunted their not smote-ed selves like hookers on Colfax (Denver reference).
This went on for the past several weeks. Every few days I would receive another Blogger Bot email with a link to follow and a request for a pound of flesh as a sacrifice to the One True Light and Way who is Google, succeeded by me trading cigarettes with the homeless for mentioned flesh pound, followed by avoidance of authorities inquiring about the number of transients bleeding out in front of my apartment.

Finally, my worth was accepted by the Grace of Google, and Crumbly Nevertheless was unlocked. Unfortunately, I found the whole situation so exasperating that I still haven't been able to bring myself to finish the layout and start posting the content.....which is what I should be explaining anyway. Yeah, uh, so forget about everything I just said....I was just ranting to fill my "Rant Quota" early this month.

The reason for the second blog is simple: I intend to spam the FUCK out of all of you!!

Ok, no. I'm lying, and I now owe All That is the Light that is named Google through which is the only True Path to Salvation another pound of urchin flesh. So I'll leave the story of Crumbly Nevertheless for the next entry.

Google Bless You All.

And So It Begins....(insert Squishy Sounds Here)

I know that I've been terrible with this here bloggy type thingy that I have been known to use in the recent past to communicate with all of you about my adventures as well as my what-can-be-considered-as-adventures-but-is-nothing-really-more-than-just-made-up-fodder-usually-ending-with-hating-Canadians, and the reason for this a few of you might already know: Canadians are spawn of the Devil and cannot be trusted.....as far as my lack of blogging and communication in general: I have been pacticing my new blog technique which is entirely telepathic. Ok, that's a lie, but it would explain these frequent headaches instead of what my doctor tells me is a result of dehydration due to living in a higher elevation, and that I should drink more water......only to slap me when I bring up the fact that coffee is made with water. And by "my doctor" I mean to say "Guy on the Street who just asked me for change and a smoke", which, I have to admit, makes it all the more infuriating when he slaps me!

Truth be told, I really have no good excuses for why I've been absent as of late. In all honesty, I've just been living in my own world, where I would have my moments where I would consider blogging or responding to messages, only to have them disolve away in my coffee while I continued to get lost for hours with drawings and writings. That, and Canadians ARE the spawn of Satan and should be stopped!!!

So, to try to catch up, what is to follow over the next few days or so is a series of short blogs consisting of what's been going on lately as well as what's been going through my pudding head. As far as the neglected emails and such, I don't know you people!! Who are you and how did you get in my house!!?! I mean, uh, I'll do my best to catch up in that department too.

Praise the Goat!

Within the Folds of a Cloud of Meatloaf...

Sometimes it's the little victories that make me remember why I enjoy breathing....other than the fact that breathing is a completely involuntary activity, which is good for most people, including myself....otherwise I would have died years ago instead of coming-to with my face in the dinner plate and my furious mom who still made me finish every bite of the meatloaf.
In any case, the victory in question here is the fact that I discovered two large scale drawings I had been working on that, until tonight, I had believed to have been destroyed! For those of you just joining this program, let me catch you up: Several months ago, while I was in the process of moving away from Louisville Kentucky (for obvious reasons) to Brooklyn New York, and then to Pennsylvania, and then to Denver by way of Kansas City MO....where the hell was I? Oh, yeah...during all of that I was forced to live off of ramen noodles and raw pillow cases, as well as having to put almost all of my belongings into storage. It was while in this storage hibernation that most of my belongings took it upon themselves to bath in the water of a burst pipe to a water heater for the better part of a full weekend! Hot damn! Long story short, pillow cases actually have NO nutritional value whatsoever, much to my chagrin.....and I lost my entire portfolio of artwork from the past 15 years in just one weekend. Or so I thought.
Well, basically, yeah....I still lost my entire portfolio, just now minus two works in progress.
Recently I have been going through the transition from writing to drawing (which I seem to do every year as the spring approaches) and decided to go through my surviving box of large print and water color paper to start some new work, when I discovered the two hidden between the sheets in the stack! I can now remember putting them both in there to help flatten them out, before forgetting about them altogether when packing up and leaving Louisville without so much as a "Goodbye" (which makes me wonder if there are still friends there that haven't even figured out that I moved away, seeing as how I'm such a hermit and all....but that's a question for another day).

This whole scenario came about due to being able to see my friend Duncan read from his new book, Super Cell Anemia, at his release gathering. Duncan is an old friend from Louisville, one of the handful of people I met my first year there, who moved here to Denver about 7 or 8 years ago, and is definitely one of the pluses of coming here myself (even though I hate to admit that I've only seen him TWICE since I came to this city....see what I mean about being a reclusive hermit?). He has been involved in several bands, one of the most notable from the past would have to be Endpoint, and I have had the opportunity to see him on stage more times than I can count. But, I have to say that I was never privileged to see him like this before, reading his own work, his book, that he has been laboring over for two years now, give or take. And while seeing his perform before has always had a personal aspect to it (if you know Duncan and the music he's been involved with, you know what I mean), it's still different. This was just him, Duncan, alone on the stage reading his own work the day it was released, and I can't tell any of you exactly how happy I am to have been here to be a part of it!

Duncan Barlow with Milque Toast

Like I said, this is what led to my sudden inspiration to draw again, which is how I came to find my two lost drawings. See the full circle aspect here?

Here's what I don't understand: if a child honestly hates meatloaf, I mean, REALLY hates it, and it is an ordeal to make this child eat it every time you cook it (or defrost it more often than not)....why, WHY would you force that child to eat it time and time again under the threat of violence until he is crying over his own sick?!
Here's what else I don't understand: why is it that I get inspired to write after going to an art opening, and I get inspired to do artwork after a reading? Why am I so ass-backwards in this regard.....or any regard for that matter?

By the way, congrats Duncan!!

How the Grain of Salt Won the West....and then the Rains came!

Well dear readers, we come to it yet again.....the glaring fact that Bob Seger has about as much talent and vocal strength as a soggy scab found near the drain of a public shower. But even more important than that is the fact that we have all made it to another Fish Day!!! (God Damn "Hating Bob Seger Day" for falling on my birthday)

For those of you who have joined us within the past 365 days, let me explain what today is.....and let me do so by giving you this HERE LINK considering that I've written it all down before and I'm currently stuck in lazy mode.

So it is that another year has passed, and if I have learned anything in all my years of people watching, it is that people who tend to breath heavy for no apparent reason disturb me.....but also that during any anniversary of an annual event, at least one person involved has to publicly reflect on what the last year has brought.....most likely doing so while drunk.
So let me take this opportunity to do the same, but also allow me to do this with coffee instead of alcohol, and with mostly fiction instead of primarily fact:

This year has brought with itself many changes, which is understandable when you take into account that it was the Year of the Chameleon in Korea, the Year of the Transexual in France.....and the Year of the Mime in Canada....which I think is every year actually, except for the one year that they declared the Year of the Moose and dressed Moose (Mooses? Meese?) up as mimes, proceeded to get drunk and whine about being inferior.....but a lot of changes this year nonetheless!
This is the year which gave me a new home finally.....but then I moved to Denver, where I am regarded with that same grain of salt that I seem to be everywhere......damn Stalking Salt!
This is the year that gave me steady employment again in a low-paying enviroment, luckily seasoned with awesome people.....except for one person....you know who you are!
It has been during this year that I bought some new socks....developed a cocaine addiction (apparently) to those who can't tell the difference between coke and a fucking crushed aspirin....learned to fly (which is a side effect to waaaaaay too much cocaine)....and had the realization that I will most likely never know the touch of a woman ever again!
But most importantly, this is the year that has allowed me to finally land on my feet and start feeling both grounded and centered again....but never at the same time, lest the Nose Fairy find out.....don't ask.
This was the year that I can say to Clint, "2007 was the Year!".....and it's about fucking time!

For the record, 2007 was also the Year of the Zombie.

Well, it wouldn't be my birthday if I were to leave out this here handy little link:

And, while I realize that it does call itself a "Wish List", that's only because they do not offer a "Need List", which is where I would have put the PSP....because I fucking NEED it!! <---(this is the hint folks) So, thank you to everyone who has been wishing me a Happy bDay! I leave you now to your own devices and hope this day finds you all well and racing to get me that PSP before anyone else! I must go now, for my brother is taking me out for my day......which reminds me....a huge THANKS goes out to Rafael for taking my shift at work tomorrow!