(Intermittent Transmission of a Wandering Mind)
-Logue
This is where dispatches from my ongoing peculiarities will appear.
Updates, artwork, mild revelations, and the occasional useful scrap. A space for thoughts to stretch, stammer, or shimmer. Expect stories, sketches, reflections, and the occasional something that isn’t quite sure what it is yet. Frequency may vary. Clarity is not guaranteed. Proceed gently. Do not tap the glass. The specimens may be watching you too.
Excerpt from the Book, "Rachael Asks..." in bookstores never
Dere zombiespoon,
I am curently wurking on a book of answerz to randumly asked kwestions and photographs of childrens dolls in sexual poses. I wood appreciate it if you could anser the following questions 4 me!
Rachael
1. What Curse Do You Use The Most?
- Unfortunately, I'm still only a level 2 curser....so the most I can make the unsuspecting do is fart real loud in public...unless I roll a +5, and then they shit themselves!
2. Do You Own An Ipod?
-Yes....but I also just got a new iHate from Clint for my birthday!
30Gigs of storage for my hate!
3. What Person On Your Top 8 Do You Talk To The Most?
-I don't talk to anyone in my Deadpool.....it's against the rules.
4. What Time Is Your Alarm Clock Set To?
-Pacific........why are you looking at me like that?
5. Do You Want To Fall In Love?
-I don't even like to step in love!! I wish people would clean up after themselves!
6. Do You Wear Flip-Flops When It's Cold?
-I wear winter clothes. I find that going out wearing nothing but flip flops is both dangerous for one's health, and illegal!
7. Would You Rather Take The Picture Or Be In The Picture?
-I would rather take the picture I'm in....especially if the person who had the picture is someone that I don't know, and has no business having a picture of me in their possession!
8. What Was The Last Movie You Watched?
-Wait....why is it the Last movie?! Do you know something that I don't?!!
9. Do Any Of Your Friends Have Children?
-Yes....and some of those children are even their own!
10. Has Any0ne Ever Called You Lazy?
-What's an 'Any0ne'? Seriously....what with the weird capitalization theme in this questionnaire?
11. Do You Ever Take Medication To Help You Fall Asleep?
-Yes, but I'm much more fond of the medication that keeps me awake.....
12. What Cd Is Currently In Your Cd Player?
-I no longer own and Cd's or Cd Players......so, no.
13. Do You Prefer Regular Or Chocolate Milk?
-Regular what? I can't answer this until I know what's competing with my Chocolate Milk.....and what is the situation? Is someone's life at stake? Is this for money? There's just too many unanswered questions here!!! I can't deal with this right now!!!
14. Has Anyone Told You A Secret This Week?
-Like on those commercials? Where two woman tell each other a completely made up secret and then giggle like idiots and then I'm supposed to want girly deodorant?
15. When Was The Last Time You Had Starbuck?
-I've never had the chance....but I would be with Starbuck in a second if I had the chance!!!
Wait....we are talking about the new Battlestar Galactica, right? Because if we're talking about the one from the seventies, then this question both means something completely different and sickens me!
16. Can You Whistle?
-I choose not to......
17. What Is The First Thing You Notice About The Opposite Sex?
-Depends.....if they are on fire, that tends to be the first thing....the tits come after the fire.
18. Do You Think People Talk About You Behind Your Back?
-Is there any other way to talk about me? Seriously, if they are talking in front of me it's talked "talking to me", which is something completely different.
19. Did You Watch Cartoons As A Child?
-Hell, I watch cartoons now.
20. What Movie Do You Know Every Line To?
-Time Bandits....and all silent films, just by definition.
21.Have You Ever Done The Dirty In A Field?
-Who the hell has the nickname "the Dirty", and why would anyone want to do her or him after such a nickname is achieved?!!
22.What's your favorite flower?
-There are more varieties of flour? I tend to just like the cakes they help make.....
23. Do You Own Any Band T-Shirts?
-I've never injured my torso bad enough to need a Band T-Shirt...I suspect that if I did, I'd rather just be taken to a hospital.
(Think about it.....it'll make sense eventually)
24. What Is Your Favorite Salad Dressing?
-I don't own any films of Salads getting dressed. This is the weirdest fetish I've heard of so far!
where is 25?
26. Do You Do Your Own Dishes?
-Ah....the famous "DYDYOD" question.....I'm not falling for this one so easily!
27. Ever Cry In Public?
-Every chance I get!
28. Are You On A Desktop Computer Or A Lap Top?
-I'm on a chair...In Front of my laptop.
29. Are You Currently Wanting Any Piercings Or Tattoos?
-No, I'm currently wanting some more coffee and Starbuck....the female Starbuck.
30. Whats The Weather Like?
-Like an orange, with a really thick rind and too many seeds.....stupid weather orange!
31. Would You Ever Date Anyone Covered In Tattoos?
-Depends on the tattoos in question....a woman with her body covered with tattoos of penises getting bitten, probably not.
32. What Did You Do Before This?
-Answered a question about dating someone with bitten penis tattoos....where were you?
33. When Was The Last Time You Slept On The Floor?
-Last night.....I couldn't get my bed to stay on the wall....and the ceiling is out of the question!
34. How Many Hours Of Sleep Do You Need To Function?
-A third of my life, apparently.
35. Do You Eat Breakfast Daily?
-Does it matter? Seriously....ask yourself that.
36. Are Your Days Full And Fast Paced?
-Full of what?! I need more details here!! Full of glue? No. And I doubt they'd be fast-paced that way.......
37. Do You Pay Attention To The Calories In The Package/Box?
-They package calories now? Why would I need to pay attention to that?
38. Do You Use Sarcasm?
-You tell me.....
39. How Old Will Y0u Be Turning On Your Next Birthday?
-Funny you should ask.....wait, no....it wasn't that funny.
40. Are You Picky About Spelling And Grammar?
-ask Rachael.
41. Have You Ever Been To Six Flags?
-Have you ever seen a grown man cry and shit himself? I'm just asking....it has nothing to do with Six Flags.....
42. What irritates you most?
-Poison Ivy.
43. Do You Get Along Better With The Same Sex Or The Opposite?
-You mean like a hermaphrodite? I suppose I do as well as everyone else.....
44. Do You Like Mustard?
-What's that got to do with my social relationships with hermaphrodites?
45. Do You Sleep On Your Side, Stomach Or Back?
-I tend to stay together even when asleep......
46. Do You Watch The News?
-Not if I've been unlucky enough to fall apart while sleeping....but I'll most likely be on the news when that happens....
47. How did you get some of your scars?
-By accidents.
49. Do You Like Anybody?
-Sure I like people! What are you trying to say?!
50.What Is The Last Thing You Purchased?
-Gasoline.......for my car.....not for what you'll hear on the news!
One man's Waste is another Man's Soap
Once again we find ourselves entering the month of purification, which, incidentally, is also the shortest month of the year. Yes, I speak of our favorite lunation, February. Not only the last month added to the calendar by the winter hating Romans, but also the time of the year that the Anglo-Saxons named after cabbage (no, I didn't make that up!).
But despite the harsh treatments by Romans, Saxons and the month of January (which forced it's round "u" vowel on February, forcing everyone to mispronounce it by eclipsing the first 'r'), February is a month just stocked with some of the year's most exciting happenings: Groundhog's Day, where we celebrate Bill Murray's eternal loop in time and space; Ash Wednesday, where the religious prove to the naysayers that they do occasionally wash their faces; Presidents Day, where all Americans should reflect on how much better we had it under Nixon; Valentines Day, a day that forces the lonely to cry in their showers; Mardi Gras, where breasts are released from their bondages by alcohol and plastic beads.
February is also American Heart Month....where American Hearts are celebrated all over the world; National Hot Breakfast Month, where the consumers and sympathizers of cold breakfasts go hungry or are locked away; Library Lovers Month, for those who have been forced to keep their strange desires a secret all year; National Condom Month, basically just to help keep those poor libraries safe from STDs and pregnancy.
But more than that, February is also the host of my favorite holiday, Fish Day!
Now, I know what most of you are thinking...."I wonder if a grown person can actually be suspended on a wall with a fair amount of peanut butter, and how much peanut butter would that take?!"....while what you should be thinking is, "What can I possibly get a person that I either hardly know, haven't met or completely dislike on this special of all days?"
It's a terrible dilemma, I know. It's sure to stain, and the cleanup of all that peanut butter would be a nightmare! But back to your second, and far more important, thought. For those of you who are struggling with the gift buying quandary, or are drunk enough while reading this to feel the need to buy a gift, I have created a short list to help you along.
Some items that were not available on that list I'll include here: JOB!!!
I hope that this month finds you all well and not on fire. But now I must leave in order to cry in the shower, and hopefully wash off the rest of this peanut butter.
But despite the harsh treatments by Romans, Saxons and the month of January (which forced it's round "u" vowel on February, forcing everyone to mispronounce it by eclipsing the first 'r'), February is a month just stocked with some of the year's most exciting happenings: Groundhog's Day, where we celebrate Bill Murray's eternal loop in time and space; Ash Wednesday, where the religious prove to the naysayers that they do occasionally wash their faces; Presidents Day, where all Americans should reflect on how much better we had it under Nixon; Valentines Day, a day that forces the lonely to cry in their showers; Mardi Gras, where breasts are released from their bondages by alcohol and plastic beads.
February is also American Heart Month....where American Hearts are celebrated all over the world; National Hot Breakfast Month, where the consumers and sympathizers of cold breakfasts go hungry or are locked away; Library Lovers Month, for those who have been forced to keep their strange desires a secret all year; National Condom Month, basically just to help keep those poor libraries safe from STDs and pregnancy.
But more than that, February is also the host of my favorite holiday, Fish Day!
Now, I know what most of you are thinking...."I wonder if a grown person can actually be suspended on a wall with a fair amount of peanut butter, and how much peanut butter would that take?!"....while what you should be thinking is, "What can I possibly get a person that I either hardly know, haven't met or completely dislike on this special of all days?"
It's a terrible dilemma, I know. It's sure to stain, and the cleanup of all that peanut butter would be a nightmare! But back to your second, and far more important, thought. For those of you who are struggling with the gift buying quandary, or are drunk enough while reading this to feel the need to buy a gift, I have created a short list to help you along.
Some items that were not available on that list I'll include here: JOB!!!
I hope that this month finds you all well and not on fire. But now I must leave in order to cry in the shower, and hopefully wash off the rest of this peanut butter.
Boiling Leeches for Fun and Profit....
It came to my attention today, that I have a better laptop than I originally thought. I have recently been toying with the idea of getting rid of my desktop eventually and replacing it with a laptop. All part of my "down-sizing" stage that I've been in due to the ammount of moving I've put myself into. The only problem I've had with my current laptop, the reason I would wait before selling my desktop system, is that it didn't have a dvd burner....or so I thought. While checking my laptop today about the ability to replace the drive I discovered that it IS a dvd burner....not only that, but it's got the ability to dual layer burn!! I've had this laptop for over a year now, and I had no idea! The only thing I can think of that would be more pitiful than that would be a married couple pretending that they are the man and woman in those annoying ESurance animated commercials.
But none of that has anything to do with this post....so forget I said any of it!
No, this is about the other realization that I had today....that is, that I have no idea where I plan to go next. This is a first for me, so I'm at a loss. And for this reason, I am now accepting city/state/country applications from all of you. Let me know why I should consider moving to your neck of the woods....or why I shouldn't....and I'll take all of what you tell me into consideration for a time, before I forget it and then make my own desision on a whim (like I do everything).
Some requirements: area must have muffins and good coffee to be purchased.....actually, those are the only requirements.....No! And employment opportunities! Muffins, Coffee and Jobs.....and single women. Muffins, Coffee, Jobs and Single Women.......and Wine. Damnit! Ok...Muffins, Coffee, Jobs, Single Women and Wine..........and Free Cable......and maybe large Natural Deposites of Soup.
Ok.....it's clear that I need more coffee....and who wants to buy a good desktop computer?
But none of that has anything to do with this post....so forget I said any of it!
No, this is about the other realization that I had today....that is, that I have no idea where I plan to go next. This is a first for me, so I'm at a loss. And for this reason, I am now accepting city/state/country applications from all of you. Let me know why I should consider moving to your neck of the woods....or why I shouldn't....and I'll take all of what you tell me into consideration for a time, before I forget it and then make my own desision on a whim (like I do everything).
Some requirements: area must have muffins and good coffee to be purchased.....actually, those are the only requirements.....No! And employment opportunities! Muffins, Coffee and Jobs.....and single women. Muffins, Coffee, Jobs and Single Women.......and Wine. Damnit! Ok...Muffins, Coffee, Jobs, Single Women and Wine..........and Free Cable......and maybe large Natural Deposites of Soup.
Ok.....it's clear that I need more coffee....and who wants to buy a good desktop computer?
Curse of the Fours..or "Why is there blood on my underwear?"
This was originally a post made in the bulletin section....and I share it with you here:
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Kinko's Graveyard Manager
2. a variety of Art Supply Stores
3. Graphic Design, freelance and different companies
4. Not a gravedigger....though believe me, I Have tried....which led to a series of arrests....I'm not proud of that
B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Time Bandits....best movie ever, even though it's not.....fuck you!
2. Uh...wait a minute.....if I'm to watch a movie over and over, how am I to make it four?
3. Wait!! Am I to have 4 tv's to watch them on simultaneously or do I have to watch them in a theatre? How is this even possible?!
4. Damnit!! I haven't even listed number 2 yet and we're at number 4! I'm totally confused here.....aw FUCK IT!
C) Four places I have lived:
1. Louisville Kentucky
2. Brooklyn New York
3. Naperville Illinois
4. the State of Denial
D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Oh No! No no no!! I'm still pissed about the 4 movies question!!
2. Damnit! Fine!! Carnival, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, almost anything on the History Channel and Battlestar Gallactica.
Suck on that 3 and 4!!
3.
4.
E) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Alaska
3. Jamaica
4. Kansas City, MO.
(one of these things doesn't belong here...one of these thing just isn't the same....)
F) Four websites I visit often:
1. MySpace....but that's obvious, isn't it?
2. Craigslist....unless someone wants to just give me a lot of money for no apparent reason.......anyone?
3. My Gmail....otherwise people start to be all like, "Why didn't you write me back?" and I'm like "I don't even know who you are!" and they're like "I sent you an email with pics of women with cameltoe like weeks ago!" and then I'm all "Look!! I'm trying to answer these questions in this bulletin! Kindly Fuck Off!"
....and then I wonder how they even got in my place to begin with!
4. I've lost my train of thought...let's just pretend that I gave you four here and move on....
G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Muffins!
2. Soups...I like it the soups!
3. Coffee....I have enough of it that it's become a food group for me!
4. Coffee....Look, I told you I have a lot of it.
H) Four places I would like to be right now:
1. Back in Brooklyn...but this time with a job
2. Back in Louisville...then I'd call myself up in Brooklyn and confuse myself!
3. Back in Brooklyn...but exactly 2 inches behind myself from number one....and when people try to ask me about it I'd answer with, "Leave me alone, I'm talking on the phone with me from Louisville!"
4. Right here....because none of this would be possible if I weren't here to answer this!
I) Four people I think will respond:
1. Hang on, I've got a call coming in.....Oh Crap! It's from me!!
2. I'd say Rachael, but she's who I'm doing this four......so I take that back
3. How can we be on number three? I haven't officially answered number two....Damnit! And I'm calling myself again! Why can't I accept that I'm not here?!
4. Wait! Still stuck on two.....Aw screw this!
*walks away shaking head*
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Kinko's Graveyard Manager
2. a variety of Art Supply Stores
3. Graphic Design, freelance and different companies
4. Not a gravedigger....though believe me, I Have tried....which led to a series of arrests....I'm not proud of that
B) Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Time Bandits....best movie ever, even though it's not.....fuck you!
2. Uh...wait a minute.....if I'm to watch a movie over and over, how am I to make it four?
3. Wait!! Am I to have 4 tv's to watch them on simultaneously or do I have to watch them in a theatre? How is this even possible?!
4. Damnit!! I haven't even listed number 2 yet and we're at number 4! I'm totally confused here.....aw FUCK IT!
C) Four places I have lived:
1. Louisville Kentucky
2. Brooklyn New York
3. Naperville Illinois
4. the State of Denial
D) Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Oh No! No no no!! I'm still pissed about the 4 movies question!!
2. Damnit! Fine!! Carnival, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, almost anything on the History Channel and Battlestar Gallactica.
Suck on that 3 and 4!!
3.
4.
E) Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Alaska
3. Jamaica
4. Kansas City, MO.
(one of these things doesn't belong here...one of these thing just isn't the same....)
F) Four websites I visit often:
1. MySpace....but that's obvious, isn't it?
2. Craigslist....unless someone wants to just give me a lot of money for no apparent reason.......anyone?
3. My Gmail....otherwise people start to be all like, "Why didn't you write me back?" and I'm like "I don't even know who you are!" and they're like "I sent you an email with pics of women with cameltoe like weeks ago!" and then I'm all "Look!! I'm trying to answer these questions in this bulletin! Kindly Fuck Off!"
....and then I wonder how they even got in my place to begin with!
4. I've lost my train of thought...let's just pretend that I gave you four here and move on....
G) Four of my favorite foods:
1. Muffins!
2. Soups...I like it the soups!
3. Coffee....I have enough of it that it's become a food group for me!
4. Coffee....Look, I told you I have a lot of it.
H) Four places I would like to be right now:
1. Back in Brooklyn...but this time with a job
2. Back in Louisville...then I'd call myself up in Brooklyn and confuse myself!
3. Back in Brooklyn...but exactly 2 inches behind myself from number one....and when people try to ask me about it I'd answer with, "Leave me alone, I'm talking on the phone with me from Louisville!"
4. Right here....because none of this would be possible if I weren't here to answer this!
I) Four people I think will respond:
1. Hang on, I've got a call coming in.....Oh Crap! It's from me!!
2. I'd say Rachael, but she's who I'm doing this four......so I take that back
3. How can we be on number three? I haven't officially answered number two....Damnit! And I'm calling myself again! Why can't I accept that I'm not here?!
4. Wait! Still stuck on two.....Aw screw this!
*walks away shaking head*
